5 Ways to Beat Going-Back-To-School Anxiety (how to start Unschooling)

5 WAYS TO BEAT GOING-BACK TO SCHOOL ANXIETY AND START LIVING IN PARTNERSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN (HOW TO START UNSCHOOLING)

The world’s landscape around education is changing and I couldn’t be happier. I see this change reflected on the amount of social media posts from parents asking how to start unschooling and how to deal with the overwhelming feelings of failure and responsibilities towards their childrens’ education. These posts are happening daily and I often reply to a few but I thought I could write more since we are approaching the end of summer and many people are struggling with the decision of going back to school or pulling the plug completely and diving into the road less traveled of home education. So, here is my long answer if you are having going-back-to-school anxiety.

In very simplistic terms I describe anxiety as the opposite of what your gut tells you and it can be for many different reasons. And most people focus on getting rid of those symptoms without looking at the cause or the root of where it comes from because it’s time consuming and it involves validating the emotions and experiences we were told to just “get over it.” I created The Unschooling Research Library to find the root of my anxiety, emotions, worries and support parents along the way with the help of ground breaking authors and radical approaches to life and the systems that are set in place currently. One of those books is Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD and I want to highlight the following passage to get us started.

“Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing. I believe life-alienating communication is rooted in views of human nature that have exerted their influence for several centuries. These views stress humans’ innate evil and deficiency, and a need for education to control our inherently undesirable nature. Such education often leaves us questioning whether there is something wrong with whatever feelings and needs we may be experiencing. We learn early to cut ourselves off from what’s going on within ourselves. Life-alienating communication both stems from and supports hierarchical or domination societies, where large populations are controlled by a small number of individuals to those individuals’ own benefit. It would be in the interest of kings, czars, nobles, and so forth that the masses be educated in a way that renders them slavelike in mentality. The language of wrongness, should, and have to is perfectly suited for this purpose: the more people are trained to think in terms of moralistic judgements that imply wrongness and badness, the more they are being trained to look outside themselves-to outside authorities-for the definition of what constitutes right, wrong, good, and bad. When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.”

Isn’t the above passage powerful? Can you relate?

I can tell you that being stripped from my intuition happened so long ago that I hadn’t noticed and I was running on external validation. Taking the plunge into The Unschooling Lifestyle has given me the time to find and reclaim my intuition as a person and as a parent. For our boys it has meant that they get to keep their intuition while fostering the skills to navigate society with love and grace.

If you are reading this post it is because your intuition has been knocking at your door and you are listening or your children are rooted in being authentic to themselves and you are listening as well. Whatever the reason is, I'm ecstatic that you are here. Transitions are part of life but they tend to shake everything in the bottle of life. I hope to make it a bit easier with the next 5 tips as you dive into The Unschooling Lifestyle.

1. FOLLOW YOUR GUT: Be authentic to yourself and to the needs of every member of your family. If home education or Unschooling has been in your mind for various reasons then it may be worth having a family meeting and brainstorming if it can be the next family adventure. Yes, make it a family affair because everyone has a voice.

Tip: I recommend a journal to write down your thoughts and feelings, the happy and not-so happy moments of this transition. Progress is often overlooked in this stage of the journey but those pages often remind us how far we have come. Any notebook will do but have created a journal specifically for this if you would like to support us. Thank you!

2. SAY NO TO CURRICULUM: Do not buy any curriculum. I’ll say it again— don’t buy any curriculum no matter how fancy it looks. Instead focus your energy and money in finding out what rhythms will work for your family in the first few months of this amazing journey.

Tip: If you are feeling like you need to buy something then invest in the cleaning and decluttering of your home. Buy books and curriculum for yourself and work on leaving your own conditioning behind. Spend some of that money on family trips that excite everyone. Invest the money in going back to your authentic selves. Our favorite books are by Akilah Richards and she now has a mini-course that I highly recommend.

3. FIND YOUR RHYTHM: Rhythms is how I describe our way of life and how we meet everyone’s needs (including our own as parents). Finding the rhythms that work for your family will be unique and only you and your loved ones can decide what that looks like because every family is unique. The rhythms and the vibe of a home education family or an Unschooling family is one of connection and not you-are-on-your-own type of vibe. As you begin this journey you are catching up for lost time and [full disclaimer] is not always easy. BUT don’t give up because it’s totally worth it. The family activities change from season to season and leaving the school mindset can especially trigger around the start of the school year which is why deschooling is next on our list.

Tip: Spend some time/days observing without evaluating. What I mean is that take your time observing what you are needing and what your children are needing without adding labels, good or bad, and enjoy your new found freedom. Just observe!!!

4. DE-SCHOOL: As you are finding your rhythms you are actively deschooling because you are seeking what works for you and your children instead of taking external narratives of how education should be or how education should be given. This initial part of deschooling can feel chaotic because it’s outside of your comfort zone but as the days go by pay close attention to the thoughts and ideas that come to you about how you should be navigating life.

Tip: Ask questions. Every time you have the nagging feeling that your children “should” be doing math or reading. Ask yourself why do YOU feel that way. Where in your body are you feeling that? What memories from childhood is that feeling bringing up for you? Is it about your own schooling experience? is it something that someone said? GO INWARD AND BACKWARDS! This is where magic happens! One of my early go-to resources came from Human Design and I believe everyone could benefit from knowing about their own unique traits and strengths. We are all unique and amazing!

5. CONNECT: This is my favorite part of our life, the connection with each other. This connection is not always easy for us parents because we have deprived ourselves from our own happy activities and Unschooling gave me the desire to fill my emotional and creative buckets so I can be the parent that I want to be. Take time to craft your days with activities that can only foster connection even if that means staying home. Listen to your body and to your children as to what they want to do and ask questions about their likes and desires without passing judgment.

Tip: Choose activities that are actively meeting someone’s needs and not because it's “educational.” If your first instinct is “no” then it’s probably that for your children as well but if you are dying to visit a specific museum don’t be afraid to say it’s for you and make it happen. Following your intuition is the best example we can model for our children. Make a list of places you would like to visit and share it with your family and plan something together. One day road trips can be life changing.

I hope this list can help you in your decision making process and know that nothing is permanent. You can always go back to school or find one of the many amazing microschools that are popping around the country and the world. But I only hope that you can give yourself some time to peel the layers of conditioning we have all been through. Embrace the good, ponder on the hard moments and, as my son says, dig deeper on those feelings of frustration, sadness, anger and rage. We all have them but knowing where they come from and how to deal with them is a skill worth learning. Invest in yourself, you are worth it!

Finally, I would like to leave you with a clip from the movie Lightyear and a meme from Milli Vanilla as a way of saying that evolution is inevitable and what we once thought unimaginable is now the norm, well maybe not the meat-bread-meat sandwich but hopefully soon. Juicy fingers anyone?

School has not always been the norm and it’s relatively new in the grand scheme of life, so I know that it won’t always exist and as we are slowly going back to reclaiming our intuition and living the best human existence we possibly can by being in freedom with ourselves and providing the same for our children.

Please remember that your time is precious and that you are not alone! Reach out to us and book a 121 session if you need additional support!

Sending you Light and Love on this amazing journey of Life!

Julieta Duvall